.

See you in the dreamtime, maybe

2009-01-18T18:01:47Z

-Rimbaud, Papillon, Khalil Gibrain and Baudelaire
-Am I really zen? Or do I just need to drink more?
-Why am I remembering a man named Tree
-Life moves in circles; incestuous circles
-Someone called me from Hong Kong to say "I'm sorry". That was nice, but I don't know who you are yet, so how can I know if I can accept your apology or not?
-Two people this week have told me I'm enigmatic. Hmmm...
-Yoga in Mysore, the Karen National Liberation Army volunteer mercenaries, Vipassana
-Dreaming of another Khmer moonrise
-Isn't it all just a Monkey Game?
-Somewhere in California once, in the late 1960s, a man named Charlie used to pick up hitchhikers along the road in California. I sometimes wonder if there was maybe a girl who, for whatever reason, once said no to a ride one evening and continued on her way. Would that path have made all the difference?
-Ahh the possibilities, or, why I like Asia: "You can get anything you want, anytime, just by waving your hand from a barstool." "Really, anything you want, anytime? I think not." "There must be something that you can't get from a barstool in Cambodia. But mostly, some things just take a bit longer than others. It took nearly a week to find a second hand Soviet nuclear submarine, but it turned out to be a North Korean fake."
-How long can coffee, cigarettes, wifi and yoga sustain me?
-Me + driving to work on my motorbike while eating breakfast = been here too damn long, jaja!
-What would life look like after 2 years in the Arctic circle or 60 days of solitude and silence?
-Mayhap a funeral among men is a wedding feast among the angels

December's Lessons

2008-12-11T12:14:16Z

- Coffee is the best drug ever. Seriously.
- Too much som tam is bad for me
- I'm still breathing
- Nightmares still haunt my subconscious, but only occasionally.
- I'll be spending Christmas in Cambodia
- I think I am optimistic again about my next path, which, assuming nothing around here changes, I will start exploring by next April at the latest. I have given myself this date as I have grown too comfortable here. On the list: Northern Laos, Central Burma/Yangon area, refugee border area. Criteria: availability of decent coffee, som tam and wifi.
- I LOVE my new motorcycle!!!! Wheee! Can't believe I didn't get one sooner!
- Despite all my best efforts, I am still the same person, and I still have many of the same issues
- I may not have it in me to be a fighter after all. But that's ok.
- It costs exactly 5 baht for me to send a text to Germany. That's about 14 cents. Take THAT T-mobile bastards!
- Self-acceptance is an amazing process
- We can't always get what we want, and money doesn't buy happiness. Strange, but apparently true.
- Apoptygma Berzerk was right: love never dies. It sometimes seems to transmogrify though. It's like a fucking vampire zombie - you think you've stabbed it, buried it, burned it, but it keeps coming back. You just want to pull the plug on love's life support system, but apparently there's an invisible back up generator or something.
- Holy shit! Transmogrify is a real word! I always thought Calvin made it up.
- I think I finally have some closure 10 years after that first fateful evening in the girls bathroom at UCLA. Will it take 8 MORE years for this one, too, to pass?
- I probably want to be a Buddhist nun when I die
- Rozz Williams is still dead. Someone reminded me of this recently.
- Marc was a really good friend to me in the past, and I hope his karma ensures that he wakes up to awesome boobs every morning. I was on a bus somewhere outside Kuala Lumpur with a bunch of Muslim dudes a couple months ago when I had this revelation, and forgot to write it later that day, so forgive the non sequitur, but it did deserve mention.
- This is a ridiculously emo post for someone pushing 30. Whatever. So I don't have a fucking white picket fence and bran muffins in my Sears oven. So I got drunk and crashed while driving down my life's path. At least I got to enjoy the view while picking myself up and hacking out a new route.

9 AM on my day off in a parallel universe...

2008-05-21T02:34:33Z

Drinking my iced coffee from the mosque up the street, got my sticky rice with coconut wrapped in a banana leaf, sat on a pillow on the ground on my porch listening to Merle Haggard and watching a storm roll away....

cruciphilia @ 2008-05-17T18:46:00

2008-05-17T11:47:32Z

I hear you, Cat Stevens.

Life is strange - or is it getting normal?

2008-05-14T06:49:07Z

I often forget that I am living in an another country.

Somlak

2008-04-28T13:52:23Z

Love.

"You are not ready to live until you are ready to die."

2008-03-28T23:15:58Z

I left the US one year ago today. Happy Rebirthday to Me.....

lemongrass oil, mangos, yellow bracelets, laundry laundry, En's happy faen, Fin on a motorbike, purple sarongs, 300 kicks, sweeping sweeping, coconut oil, do do do da tam, 18 kg,

.....and somehow making it work

That strange dreadlocked Thai kickboxer girl.....

2008-03-07T13:13:52Z

So, there's a Thai word for fuck buddy (not exactly, but that's the closest translation) which is "gik". There's one trainer dude who flirts with all the girls, sings me love songs, and has been trying to get me to set him up with my hot blond co-worker, etc. etc., that type of guy.

So, today at the gym after finishing training, I sit down to stretch. Trainer Guy approaches (for BDRR and Potato, no, neither HTB, HTBJr., nor TB2):

Trainer guy: Daa, Daa! (my Thai name) Ao gik mai? (In Thai, you want a f-buddy?)
Me: No thank you, Trainer Guy
Trainer Guy: Ao gik mai? Ao mai (you want it?) (points behind me to other Thai trainer guys)
Me: (in Thai) Why? Why, you ask me everyday? Don't want a fuck-buddy, thanks.
Trainer Guy: (makes me turn around and look at the 2 trainer guys who are watching this all) Ao gik mai? Ao gik mai?
Me: (in Thai, as politely as possible, since I am now looking right at these guys) No thank you, Trainer Guy, no thank you! Why, are you a PIMP, Trainer Guy?
Trainer Guy: (he laughs) Daa, you want to KICK?

DOH! He was asking me if I wanted to do some KICKS with the trainers, not if I wanted a fuck buddy.

In my defense, I think he knew perfectly well the double-entendre he was making, and I just fell for it, hook line and sinker. Speaking of gullibility, a week or so ago in the ring with HTB (another trainer). It's the end of the round so we get a 1-minute break. Well, more like a 30 second break after the requisite push-ups. The whistle blows, indicating the start of the new round.

HTB and I approach, gloves up, bow, gloves back up, ready to fight. He approaches:

HTB: (points to something on the ground about 3 feet away)
Me: (looks)
HTB: (thwacks me upside the head)
HTB: (laughs) No!!!!
Me: (learnt a stupid lesson)

DOH! Sigh. Will be a looooong time, I think, before I can have a real fight.....Ah well, better than the conversations I have with the spiders:

Spiderthesizeofmyhand: Wassup, roomie! Mind if I kick it here above your bed?
Me: Umm, you don't live here.
Brooom: (gently escorts my would-be roommate out of the house)
Me: You're lucky I don't eat you like some of my neighbors might.

I think the thrill of expat life will never quite wear off, but there are definitely some things about life in the third-world tropics I could do with out. Even the cute little adorable geckos are starting to wear out their welcome. Those fuckers shit EVERYWHERE.

Going to Vietnam for a few days next week.

For even as love crowns you, so shall He crucify you

2007-12-12T12:06:01Z

I ran away, but I am still, apparently, alive (whatever that means).

I fell in love, and after three wonderful years was dumped over email. Three months later he was engaged to someone else.

Needless to say, hard times and much vodka followed and, long story short, I'm sure the state of California will never let me adopt children.

After traveling through bits and pieces of Asia, I've spent the majority of the last year living on a tiny island off the southwest coast of Thailand doing little more than walking the deserted beaches with stray dogs, watching the locals play their didgeridoos, and thinking.

I haven't yet found myself and I haven't yet found God.

But here I am.

cruciphilia @ 2007-09-08T21:18:00

2007-09-08T14:19:01Z

being heartbroken sucks.

Syd Barrett

2006-07-12T17:10:12Z

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Another end of another era.
I wondered how it was in your mother's basement all these years....now we know.

cruciphilia @ 2006-04-27T01:06:00

2006-04-27T05:07:35Z

I have 4 jobs.
I am officially insane.
Why do I have four jobs.

I'm a freelance writer/media whore/advertising sell-out/professional vegan

2006-03-25T21:39:08Z

http://vegetarian.about.com

I'm also a freelance writer/media whore/advertising sell-out/professional vegan who doesn't live in Alaska but had an interesting time in Calgary. Heh.

Ching Sanctuary

2005-12-12T03:57:16Z

Today was spent shoveling shit, stacking hay, feeding horses, rubbing pig bellies and scratching goat ears at Ching Sanctuary. The boy and I spent all morning and most of the afternoon volunteering, chatting with other volunteers and making a few new four-legged friends. I knew farm labor was hard, but I have a newfound respect for the Baustons and all Farm Sanctuary volunteers. My back is sore, I can barely walk, I'm dehydrated, I'm sunburnt from working in the snow and despite a load of laundry, a shower and a half and washing my hands about twelve times, I stink like the devil. Oy vey. Wheeee!!!

"Straighten your koan!" or, Culturally Inebriated Intellectuals In Between Sorrow and Surrender

2005-12-09T06:59:13Z

Shout for shout, shout for shout for shout-
that instant tells if it's life or death
Wicked devil, his ogre eyeballs
bright, bright as any sun or moon

cruciphilia @ 2005-10-25T14:10:00

2005-10-25T18:12:28Z

Congradulations to the coolest Potato in the world. Can we at least see some disgustingly cute pictures? *wink*

mi vida loca

2005-10-11T00:36:40Z

Why does Peta2 keep on rocking my individuated-and-striped toe socks?

Cuz I get to do stuff like kick ass with gypsy punks while educating the public about the fuckedupedness of circuses. Oh yeeeeah.

http://www.peta2.com/OUTTHERE/o-gogol.asp?c=11

cruciphilia @ 2005-10-04T23:40:00

2005-10-05T03:46:37Z

Happy B-day, Special G-sauce George.
You friggin deserve the best and I'm glad things are well for you. :)

I made you a vegan cake- one candle for every time I've ever kicked your butt at Uno:

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?invbrtgbdak

Happy B-day, kiddo.

Dear CNN,

2005-09-27T00:42:57Z

Please refrain from including typos and/or grammatical errors on your front page. Thank you.

Sincerely,

The offended overly-educated and underpaid who know the difference between the possessive and the plural, goddammit.

cruciphilia @ 2005-09-02T19:32:00

2005-09-03T00:35:13Z

http://www.sanluisobispo.com/mld/sanluisobispotribune/12513123.htm

(scroll down a bit)

Mahatma Ghandi once said, "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." For a nation obsessed with freedom and moral values, we have a long way to go when it comes to the most vulnerable of God's creatures.

cruciphilia @ 2005-06-20T01:38:00

2005-06-20T05:42:00Z

Allright kiddies, here's my schedule- (is Sayreville, NJ near NYC???) Give me a call if you want to meet up/volunteer/take me out to dinner. :)

Saturday, 6/25/2005 - Lowell, Mass. @ Paul E. Tsongas Arena Open
Sunday, 6/26/2005 - Philadelphia, Pa. @ Festival Pier Open
Tuesday, 6/28/2005 - Sterling Heights, Mich. @ Jerome Duncan Ford Theatre
Thursday, 6/30/2005 - Winston-Salem, N.C. @ Dixie Classic Fairgrounds
Friday, 7/1/2005 - Portsmouth, Va. @ NTELOS Pavilion Harbor Center
Saturday, 7/2/2005 - Sayreville, N.J. @ Starland Ballroom
Sunday, 7/3/2005 - Montreal, Quebec @ Stade Uniprix
Monday, 7/4/2005 - Mississauga, Ontario @ Int’l Centre Arrow Hall Open
Tuesday, 7/5/2005 - Cleveland, Ohio @ Scene Pavilion
Thursday, 7/7/2005 - Minneapolis, Minn. @ Target Center Open
Friday, 7/8/2005 - Tinley Park, Ill. @ Tweeter Center Open
Saturday, 7/9/2005 - Sauget, Ill. @ Pop’s Open
Sunday, 7/10/2005 - Tulsa, Okla. @ Brady Village Stage Downtown Open
Tuesday, 7/12/2005 - Atlanta, Ga. @ HiFi Buys Amphitheatre Open
Wednesday, 7/13/2005 - Orlando, Fla. @ Tinker Field Open
Friday, 7/15/2005 - Dallas, Texas @ Smirnoff Music Centre Open
Saturday, 7/16/2005 - Corpus Christi, Texas @ Concrete Street Amphitheatre
Tuesday, 7/19/2005 - El Paso, Texas @ El Paso County Coliseum Open
Wednesday, 7/20/2005 - Mesa, Ariz. @ Mesa Amphitheatre Filled
Friday, 7/22/2005 - Los Angeles, Calif. @ Los Angeles Sports Arena Open
Saturday, 7/23/2005 - Mountain View, Calif. @ Shoreline Amphitheatre Open
Monday, 7/25/2005 - Seattle, Wash. @ Qwest Field & Event Center Open
Tuesday, 7/26/2005 - Vancouver, British Columbia @ PNE / Pacific Coliseum
Thursday, 7/28/2005 - Edmonton, Alberta @ Rexall Place
Friday, 7/29/2005 - Saskatoon, Saskatchewan @ Credit Union Centre
Sunday, 7/31/2005 - Denver, Colo. @ Universal Lending Pavilion

Oh, and did I mention GWAR!!?!?!?!

The trip so far:

2005-06-15T07:20:21Z

-Three day rave in Detroit
-The salt flats of western Utah
-Laramie, Wyoming
-Ascended and descended Donner Pass
-Watched some very old home videos of a very cute little boy with his family in Salt Lake City
-Vegan jerky from the commie store (The People's Co-op! Fuck yeah!)
-Stopped by the first all-vegan grocer in the country to say hi and grab a vegan peanut butter cup (Deep Fried Vegan!)
-Tibetan, Ethiopian, Ananda Fuara and too many donuts
-Ate sweet potatoes on the courthouse lawn in Iowa City
-Terror, Comeback Kid and a bunch of other hardcore bands: they love us and we love them.

Up next:
Ohio, Virginia, then GWAR!!!!

Didn't get to hit up Chicago as was hoped, but a trip to Soul Veg in DC may still be in order. Hoping to visit my peeps in NYC and also hit up Food Swings if possible (fingers crossed).

http://www.peta2.com/blog

Damn its good to be a vegan gangsta.

Baby, in the 7-11 of my soul, you're my red slurpee.

G and BDRRGB- If you're reading this, I MISS YOU!!!!

cruciphilia @ 2005-05-15T11:18:00

2005-05-15T18:19:10Z

Hello, Norfolk.

cruciphilia @ 2005-05-13T19:54:00

2005-05-14T02:54:30Z

Goodbye, Santa Barbara.

Million for Marriage Petition

2005-05-11T19:14:35Z

I'm not a huge fan of petitions as a tool for activism, but I trust that the Human Rights Campaign will use this one to continue their effective advocacy, legislative, judicial and lobbying efforts in the struggle for GLBT human rights.

Sign the Million for Marriage Petition

http://www.millionformarriage.org

Total Animal and Human Liberation=one struggle, one fight.

P.S. I am in the midst of working on a very cool project/idea/website that will take me forever and a half to complete, but is going to be an awesome resource for vegans and future-vegans alike and is a bunch of fun.

P.P.S. http://www.vegsantabarbara.com